Tuesday, March 5, 2013

March Is Bribe Your Local Official Month

There are days, weeks, months and even years dedicated to various special interests.  Last month was Black History Month.  Well in our opinion one of the special interests that gets little or no attention is our local officials.  So we have decided to dedicate the month of March as Bribe Your Local Official Month.

That's right.  March is now the official month for bribing your local official.  There are plenty of good reasons for doing so too.  Want to lower your property tax bill?  Bribe a local official.  Want to hurry along a zoning matter?  Bribe a local official.  Want to get special permissions to do something?  Bribe a local official.  Want to bump off your business competition? Bribe a local official for a codes compliance issue for your competition to get hit with.  Get creative with what you want to accomplish and then figure out which local official you need to bribe to get done what you need to accomplish.

  Don't be stingy with the bribe either.  In fact, be very generous with it.  Bribing officials is the American way.  Why should you miss the action?  In fact, we highly recommend that your bribe be very generous as we will now show you how to get your money back.  We are going to designate April as Blackmail your local official month.  Accomplish what you need to with bribes during the month of March and make sure you record and keep good records of the bribe.  Once you have achieved what you set out to do, during the month of April you get to Blackmail your local official for taking a bribe from you.  Get all your money back and then a nice little profit to boot.

  If Blackmail is not your thing, not to worry, May is going to be official take down your local official month.  You can then expose your local official for having taken bribes from you.  Now for you truly black harts out there, using all three techniques is the ultimate game for a real laughing riot.  Not to worry, there is more to come.

This post is meant as entertainment only.  Please consult your local officials for actual rules, regulations and information for covering your actual needs.

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